meh [drusillas

I've been feeling rather down lately. The new year started off relatively well, I was excited to get back in the swing of things, not just fic-wise, but at home too. I spent the latter half of 2005 travelling a lot for work, and was feeling burnt out. This term, I'm staying in Toronto, and in January things were looking up.

It's only February, but I'm already feeling stressed out. I haven't written a thing in weeks, and am finding even 100-word drabbles take so much energy. Last night I was going to try to be a bit productive and go grocery shopping, but instead I spent the night watching 1 episode of "My Name is Earl", 1 ep of "Veronica Marrs" (I've just discovered the show so I'm halfway through season 1), and 3 eps of "CSI" (season 4 eps). I have to admit, it felt great at the time, but now I'm feeling guilty, thinking that I really should have done something/anything else.

I'm having a hard time focusing on work, and anytime I think about doing something, even as simple as having a bubble bath, I feel like I'm going to get a panic attack. I'm not prone to them, but am prone to depression and just can't seem to shake off whatever it is I'm going through. I've been taking 5-htp on and off, but it isn't fixing whatever the fuck is wrong with me.

What do you do to cheer yourself up?

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Let myself read a fic I've been putting off. Force myself to do something new. Put a beloved movie on in the background so it can raise my spirits. Give myself a break.....

*hugs*

love, lore

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Give myself a break.....
Yeah, I need to learn to do that. Thanks so much for the hugs - I think I'm feeling better today

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ah man, that sucks. I understand how you feel though as I appear to be teetering on the edge of a major spaz out and am just keeping it in at the moment.

However, what I do is basically stick my fingers up to the world and watch whatever I want on telly. don't feel guilty about it. if it's the only thing that you can cope with at the moment do it. People will be waiting for you when you feel up to writing again.

*senjy paws*

*sends lots of smoochies*

I'd like to learn how to live my life free of guilt. It prevents me from just enjoying life, and I spend far too much time focusing on how bad I feel.

I actually feel better today - I watched "The 40 Year Old Virgin" last night, and laughed a lot. It felt good to do that.

yokatta, I'm glad. I have just been reading lost of smut tonight and forcing myself not to feel guilty about not writing. it helps, as did the sleep I finally got last night;) speaking of which I should shuffle off to bed now

take it easy, ne

I slept really well last night, for the first time in weeks.

take care and go get some sleep :)

Often I go back and re-read stuff that I know I love, and I don't let myself feel guilty about the time, I kind of allot the time for it and I indulge. This is especially helpful if I've been feeling like I haven't been productive, fic-wise. Sometimes when I stop stressing about it, kind of give up and give myself a break, a prompt or challenge eventually strikes my fancy and I can get back into the groove. It ebbs and flows for me, and on the downwaves I just read and read and read, and comment, and let everything else go.

Hope things get better soon.

I took your advice and reread some well beloved fic yesterday. I also left my writing notebook at home for the first time in months, and I have to admit it felt liberating.

Hello!

luciology has sent you a valensnippet (http://nimori.livejournal.com/211274.html):

"You!" Harry bellowed at the twins.

"Us," they agreed, and then one asked, "What have we done?" and the other added, "That you know about?"

"That... thing in the locker room."

"Ah, the glory hole. Finally worked up the nerve, eh?" asked Fred.

"Giving or receiving?" asked George.

"You knew someone was on the other side?"

"Oh dear," said Fred. "Did you think it was magic?"

"It only goes to the Slytherin side," said George, and then added, as Harry turned dead white and ran off, "Was it something we said?"

eeeeee!!!!! Glory holes and HD!!!!!

Thank you so much! That was perfectly wonderful :D

You're welcome. :)

Firstly, what is 5-htp?

Secondly, two things I've found useful from this course I'm on to help me get back to work is:

a) choose 1 small achievable goal a day or a week so that you can feel good about that. I'm currently on the goal a week because some days it's enough to get dressed.

b) if something prevents you from getting something done, you don't say I didn't do ... and feel negative; you say I was prevented from doing [insert whatever] by [insert the reason]. Does that make sense? It works actually because it moves the blame from you & stops you feeling like a failure.

I cheer myself up by:

*playing classical music really loud - full on Tchaikovsky, fucking fantastic

*re-read a fic or a fav' segment of a fic where part of the joy is the witty use of language. Particular favourites are most things by

mirasfics,

fearlessdiva,

amanuensis1 and

lovely_slyth. Infact if I'm really down I re-read all of the Mutual Interest universe by

lovely_slyth. If you haven't read them, you'll find all the links in my memories under Romance.

*go for a walk in the countryside

*retail therapy

*theatre

Oooh, spooky that Nim & I posted at the same time. In fact talking of

nimori, have you read her excellent and original comedy The Pandora Complex iin which Snape accidently discovers the internet, slash fanfic then fanfic with him and... Harry Potter. If you haven't I'll send you the link because it is brilliant.

No, I haven't read that particular one. I've seen similar fics, I think one might have been H/D. And yes, pls send me the link.

btw, I love that icon :)

This link should work but let me know if it doesn't. This story is several years old which is why I think it's the first of it's genre.

http://nimori.slashcity.net/nc17/pc1.html

Firstly, what is 5-htp?
It's an amino acid which helps in the production of seratonin in the body.
tryptophan —> 5-HTP —> serotonin
It helps regulate sleep and helps with depression. It's not really a medication (it won't put you to sleep like valerian root or a sleeping pill), but instead helps restful sleeping/dreaming patterns. It also won't immedietly make you happy, but when I'm feeling really depressed, I've noticed it helps stabilize my moods. I'm fairly anti-western medicine (actually phobic more like it) and even though I've been diagnosed with mild clinical depression, I'd rather try to control it through natural means for as long as I can. I've seen what long-term medication can do to a person with a mental illness, and would rather not have to go through side-effects.

Phew, that was slightly longer than I meant it to be.

a) choose 1 small achievable goal a day or a week so that you can feel good about that. I'm currently on the goal a week because some days it's enough to get dressed.
I think I tried to do too much. I was so focused on work last term, so I decided to make small goals in other areas of my life. Individually they were all small, but I think I may have filled-up too many categories.

b) if something prevents you from getting something done, you don't say I didn't do ... and feel negative; you say I was prevented from doing [insert whatever] by [insert the reason]. Does that make sense? It works actually because it moves the blame from you & stops you feeling like a failure.
ooo, that's an interesting idea. I'll try doing that from now on.

I'll have to check your memories to find some funny fic to read.

And thank you so much for the drabble! It was utterly perfect and had me bouncing at my desk at work *hopes the coworkers didn't notice the squee*

Is it okay if I post the drabble on my Lj? I choked on my tea when I read it.

oh, yes definitely! I haven't stopped grinning :D

Don't ever feel guilty for taking time for yourself. It's an absolute necessity in this crazy world we live in.

When I want to cheer myself up, I shamelessly indulge in something absurd! When I first started my current job, three years ago, that first week was one of the worst weeks of my life! I hated the new job, I was unsure of my new role, I had to meet new people, I learned my driver's license had been expired for 18 months, on my second day at the job my car wouldn't start when it was time to leave and I had no cell phone at the time, my friend was disappointed that I was starting my new job on her birthday when we'd planned to have lunch that day, and I knew that on Saturday (the first chance I would have had to sleep in all week), I instead had to get up early and go to the driver's license station to renew my license, which entailed taking the written and driving tests all over again...suffice it to say, I wanted to curl up and cry, if not die! On Friday night, to cheer myself up, I had chocolate ice cream for dinner!

Anyway, sorry to ramble. I can look back on that week now and laugh, but at the time, I was so traumatized. I hope you get to feeling more yourself soon. Again, the best advice I can give is to indulge yourself: be it with a nap, by buying yourself something frivolous, vegging out in front of the TV, or eating chocolate for dinner! And do not feel guilty about it. If you don't take care of yourself, who will?

gah, I meant to reply to this a while ago.

That sucks about the first day of your job. First days are nerve-wracking enough, you don't need all the extra crud. I'm glad it worked out though.

I've been taking it easy and am feeling a lot better now. Thanks so much ♥

drusillas_rain

meh

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August